SELF CARE. What does it mean? A year ago, ‘self care’ for me meant looking after all parts of my wellbeing: physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Working out, eating right, meditating, yoga, having a day in my pjs to eat multiple variations of chocolate bars (family sized, obvs) justified by it being the time of the month… Every Sunday… Yada yada yada. You know it. This all still stands to a degree, but my understanding of the term has evolved beyond warm crystal salt baths and all-of-the chocolate.
In my own experience, I’ve come to think that the concept of ‘self care’ can actually often subtly masquerade as an escape route through a door of ‘love and light’, where everything shines bright like a diamond. I’m not saying it’s wrong to bask in that glorious love and light, or that we shouldn’t make the precious time to nourish ourselves; mind, body and soul… God knows we need it, and often!
But is self-care all about feeling good, all of the time? If we’re really truly loving and caring for ourselves, on all levels, should it be easy all of the time?
As my journey along the yogi path continues, I’ve come to see that true self care is not always taking the easy way out. I’ve visited the extremes of being an absolute demon queen to myself through most of my teens and 20s, to then trying hard to ONLY say kind things to myself in my 30s, which meant instantly shutting down any mean voices that say anything otherwise. The latter felt more like ‘self care’, for a while. Now I’ve settled somewhere in between. If we’re trying to ‘banish our ego’, silence the ‘bad’ stuff, turn away from anything that doesn’t feel warm and comforting and attempting to float above it all through transcendental meditation techniques or taking ayausaca or whatnot, aren’t we denying so much of what makes us human? We’re not here on the Earth to rise above it, are we? Maybe sometimes the most caring thing we can do for ourselves is to jump with two feet straight into the mud, and get down into our grittiness before we can wipe it away from our eyes and really see the light.
I’m thinking self-care, much like life, is a practice of wholeness, not happiness. It means to include and embrace all parts of ourselves that we might be rejecting, neglecting and/or ignoring. Consciously or not. It’s recognising those ‘unlovable’ parts of ourselves as scared characters or lost children who just need to be seen and understood. Self-care is allowing them all to come to the tea party; yes, including Jill the Judgmental Biatch, Polly the People Pleaser and Iva the I’m Not Good Enough. Seeing them and listening to them, seeking to understand why they’re there and what they need, without letting them take over the guest of honour’s seat (reserved for Lucy Love).
Self-care is BALANCE. Not standing on one leg in a Vinyasa yoga class, or watching Disney one evening and Gladiator the next. Balance in that we ensure we’re not swinging too far in the direction of ‘good vibes only’ (but by all means let’s go there without using it as escapism), but that we’re equally challenging ourselves to explore those realms of ‘shadows and scary-shit zone’ from time to time, if emotional and spiritual growth is on our to-do list, that is.
Self-care is gently nudging ourselves to go work out in our ‘creative gym’ and make a start on the things that are calling us. To create and manifest the kaleidoscopic beauty we all have inside, no-matter how long it takes. Self-care is being courageous, seeking to face and own rather than escape our truth, being prepared to go deep, letting tears flow when they want to and understanding that pain can be a path to growth. It’s combining love with the inner voice of truth, which doesn’t always say what we want to hear, but will always tell us what we need to hear. If we dare to tune in and listen deep. (And taking the time to work out which of those voices are true, and which are not. Sit down, Jill. I love you.) Self-care is taking the often scary and slippery steps towards those things our soul is drawing us to; grabbing fear by the hand and walking, with trust in ourselves, towards that edge.
So by all means, go to yoga. Meditate. Eat chocolate. Take long baths. But if we are to care truly and deeply about ourselves, our WHOLE selves, let’s not do any of it to escape our wonderfully messy and imperfect human selves, but to provide a little cushioning for when we choose to get brave, go deep and brush up against our truth.
By Holly Husler